12 June 2011


Laugh, and the world with laugh with you
Cry, and you will cry alone.

But if you must cry
Know that we won't laugh
Know that we are here
Know that we support you

We don't know what to say
We don't know how to help
We cannot offer consolation
Nor can we offer resolution

But if you must cry
Know that we are waiting
Know that we miss you
Know that we want to laugh with you again

Depression manifests an enormous unshakable feeling of "alone":

"I have a secret problem. I am alone."
"I have failed to conform to the expectations of society. I am alone"
"I feel my life is romantically devoid. I am alone"

Sometimes the reason becomes lost with time and the feeling just refuses to go away.

"I am alone"

Depression is a pain that no one can see. There is no dripping blood or busied flesh. There is only an injured mind and heart. And yet it hurts like a broken bone.

Do you know what the worst thing about depression is? You can be a perfectly normal person with a outwardly normal life; You can be standing in a room surrounded by friends; And you can still feel alone. None of your friends would even know or care.

Sometimes I come to this blog when I feel alone. I know that anything I post is read by at least one other person on the planet. Even if they are in India, and they only read the title. Some time ago I wrote a post that I didn't publish. this is a part of it:
[...]and it really really hurts to be sad with no one who cares to listen to me.... never mind offer a hug or any kind of support. I feel very alone. I went to a depression site on the net this week. Just out of curiosity. They have forums where there are lots of people who feel alone.

It doesn't surprise me really. When you are on your way in the morning in the car. All I can see in the traffic is bubbles. People in their own little private leather-padded, pine-fresh-scented worlds. All the people imagining that the other bubbles don't contain other people and are just annoyances that are in the way. People live their whole lives inside their own personal bubble that only their closest friends an relatives can feel comfortable sharing. Its no wonder that sometimes people feel alone. Left outside of everyone elses bubble.

It makes me sad that so many people are alone. It's not fair to be scared to reach out and talk to people. why the hell in an overpopulated world do I feel ALONE. You can blame the media and the life style and the culture and the politics whatever it makes no difference. It boils down to fear. People are so shit scared of other people. There is no trust in a stranger. That is hammered into out skull from the time we can talk. Don't talk to strangers! Don't take the 'lift home' from the man in the car! Don't take the free candy from the man on the street! HELL, can you even imagine a world where it was polite to offer a pedestrian a lift in your car? Can you IMAGINE if it was considered nice to stand outside the school and give children chocolate for the simple joy of the look on their faces? What kind of world is it we live in when we have to be afraid of so many things and it's just considered "normal". Its a sick disgusting place. And we cant even see that it is. Not from inside our bubbles.
This was some time ago now. Times have changed and it took a lot of strength to change them.