12 June 2011


Laugh, and the world with laugh with you
Cry, and you will cry alone.

But if you must cry
Know that we won't laugh
Know that we are here
Know that we support you

We don't know what to say
We don't know how to help
We cannot offer consolation
Nor can we offer resolution

But if you must cry
Know that we are waiting
Know that we miss you
Know that we want to laugh with you again

Depression manifests an enormous unshakable feeling of "alone":

"I have a secret problem. I am alone."
"I have failed to conform to the expectations of society. I am alone"
"I feel my life is romantically devoid. I am alone"

Sometimes the reason becomes lost with time and the feeling just refuses to go away.

"I am alone"

Depression is a pain that no one can see. There is no dripping blood or busied flesh. There is only an injured mind and heart. And yet it hurts like a broken bone.

Do you know what the worst thing about depression is? You can be a perfectly normal person with a outwardly normal life; You can be standing in a room surrounded by friends; And you can still feel alone. None of your friends would even know or care.

Sometimes I come to this blog when I feel alone. I know that anything I post is read by at least one other person on the planet. Even if they are in India, and they only read the title. Some time ago I wrote a post that I didn't publish. this is a part of it:
[...]and it really really hurts to be sad with no one who cares to listen to me.... never mind offer a hug or any kind of support. I feel very alone. I went to a depression site on the net this week. Just out of curiosity. They have forums where there are lots of people who feel alone.

It doesn't surprise me really. When you are on your way in the morning in the car. All I can see in the traffic is bubbles. People in their own little private leather-padded, pine-fresh-scented worlds. All the people imagining that the other bubbles don't contain other people and are just annoyances that are in the way. People live their whole lives inside their own personal bubble that only their closest friends an relatives can feel comfortable sharing. Its no wonder that sometimes people feel alone. Left outside of everyone elses bubble.

It makes me sad that so many people are alone. It's not fair to be scared to reach out and talk to people. why the hell in an overpopulated world do I feel ALONE. You can blame the media and the life style and the culture and the politics whatever it makes no difference. It boils down to fear. People are so shit scared of other people. There is no trust in a stranger. That is hammered into out skull from the time we can talk. Don't talk to strangers! Don't take the 'lift home' from the man in the car! Don't take the free candy from the man on the street! HELL, can you even imagine a world where it was polite to offer a pedestrian a lift in your car? Can you IMAGINE if it was considered nice to stand outside the school and give children chocolate for the simple joy of the look on their faces? What kind of world is it we live in when we have to be afraid of so many things and it's just considered "normal". Its a sick disgusting place. And we cant even see that it is. Not from inside our bubbles.
This was some time ago now. Times have changed and it took a lot of strength to change them.

22 May 2011

A burning rose

It happened suddenly. She came into my life like the warmth of a hundred suns. As she sat beside me I became aware of a connection between us. Inexplicably, without conversation, she was in my arms. We were with other people. It did not matter. We lay in each-others arms as they fell asleep around us.

She asked me "What are you thinking?" I could not tell her. I was not 'thinking'. Her body's curves were pressed flat against my front, our feet entangled. "How warm you are" I murmured back, too sleepy to lie. We spoke softly to each other. I kissed her lips.

We slept when we saw the morning's first light.

It was afternoon when we woke. I had forgotten that I was not completely sober the night before. It was like a surprise all over again to find her in my arms. It was cold and bright and hard to think. Her hand was still warm in mine as we sat at the breakfast table.

It was awkward at first to see her again. We walked together for a while. It was not difficult to kiss her again. Her hands gripped my shirt as I cupped her chin in my hand.

Doubt. A shadow that grew like smoke over a blaze. It was too good to be true. Was it not? I was not what she wanted. I could not offer her my broken heart. Fear. A darkness that choked me. I could not breath much less speak when she called me. I distinctly remember casually deflecting her suggestions to meet again. I distinctly remember the tear that rolled off my chin as is I put the phone on the table. I felt that our happiness would be hollow.

Perhaps I was wrong?

22 April 2011

Hello Traveler

Hello reader

Whoever you are, welcome. Welcome to my blog. You know it's great to have you here... I don't get many visitors. Take a seat! make yourself at home, you can even put your feet up! There is a warm fire and its ever so cold outside. Would you like a hot drink? I have anything you like in the pantry...

So while the kettle's on the fire... tell me, where are you from? Are you from Canada? Australia? America? You know I've even heard there even some Japanese and Indian people who make it through these parts. The internet's great like that isn't it! It doesn't matter where we are from because we are all from "The Internet".

Wherever you are from you sure look well traveled! -- Not in a bad way that is! you look great! The wisdom of the world has rubbed off on you. You have an experienced and knowledgeable look about you. In fact, you look as though you've been all over the world just today! Submarine cables and Trans-Atlantic spaceflights are the very best ways to travel!

You wouldn't believe the stories I hear! Every so often I get a visitor who tells me all about the world. Just last month someone showed me a picture of a river that runs underwater! -- Some lake in Mexico with an odd high salinity river that ebbs along the bottom of a lake as if it was a separate body of water. On another occasion, a gentleman told me of a cave made of giant white crystals that stand taller than a man! And all sorts of other discoveries and news... Did you know there is a jellyfish that can grow to the size of two meters across!

I must say that is been lovely to have you here. Any time you happen to be in the neighborhood don't hesitate to stop by! I keep my pantry well stocked.

Goodbye and good luck on your travels!

See you again some time soon.

02 April 2011

Listen, little bird

Little bird in your cage
How bitterly you sing
Your song is nothing but the cage
You placed yourself within

From some tree far away
Your friends sing back to you
The bars you see are in your mind
You can fly to that tree too

It's true that who we are
Is forged by what we choose
But you will have another choice
This time you may not lose

With love from me to you.

07 February 2011

A Nonsensical Poem

rivers are shallow
lakes are deep
and oceans an eternity below

the more you talk
the less you learn
the faster you wont know

the foolish thoughts of many men
did fall upon the sky
and battered down those big rain clouds
and made them feel all shy

why we speak in so few tongues
is mystery been solved
we have two cheeks the size they are
where just one tongue evolved

Go forth madame and see the world
To bring back knowledge fresh
For sirs and sires see the truth
In more than just your flesh

Be free my darling
as cognition does dissolve
and fall into a peaceful slumber
where hardships are absolved

The the tidy seas will make a mess
until your bold return
Thunder crows atop the mast
while seabirds scorn and spurn

30 January 2011

How it actualy looks in New Zealand

The preceding events are an artists recreation of actual occurrences.

New Zealand is amazing everyone. Just so you know. In case I haven't already told you. Which I probably have.

27 January 2011


To reach into the hearts of others
And change them so they glow

To look and see into their soul
And tell them how they shine

For the simple joy and glory
of an incandescent smile